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I’ve been thinking a lot about shapeshifting. I am working on a short text about it on the side and this feature of mine that feel I have, is in the center of my attention. What I mean by shapeshifting is an ability to reconstitute my being according to a situation. Situation is determined by what feels important fro me at the moment. I have been shapeshifting a lot in my life, changing fields of interest, moving a lot within various structures. I feel when I am too much on one place, I start fading, my energies are getting all messed up, and eventually I start to become toxic for myself from the inside. It feels like all the energies accumulate on one spot but I cant find an outlet for them. I start to feel restlessness in my body and on intellectual level it results into a feeling I am busy with the wrong thing and don’t use the potential I have/feel in a right way. Usually, the problem is that I don’t really know what that potential is and where do I want to move. Experiential lack of a general global direction of my movement is not available to me. I feel it is a strength of shapeshifting but also a big weakness. One I am able to find the shape I want to shift in, I go full in and really good at it. But in-between stages are still the matter of deep darkness. The container to channel my full being can be either an activity or a person or whatever makes sense to me to obsess with. I feel obsessiveness plays an important role in being a successful shapeshifter. Being one requires an ability to leave everything behind with our reservations. It can be quiet unsettling once the adrenaline and intrinsic unexplained rush weakens and the realisation of complete make over comes in. For me mostly it is a first sign that I must move further and look for another container that will absorb me fully. This is how I always remember things to be. I give in full but then when the place of surrender isn’t giving me fresh energy and I am stuck with my own energy I need to change. I know that such being was quite challenging to have around for other people. I know I can be draining and because of the contingency of my enthusiasm people ca get disoriented and taken over. I am becoming more and more aware of it and at the moment trying to rethink my shapeshifter tendencies. I know that it is probably the best quality I have but perhaps it is time to look at it from a wider perspective. I think I need to calibrate my inner motivations and align my shapeshifting aspirations.

I will unfold and get to the bottom of why shapeshifting feels important to me. One might say it is a form of escapism, a non-desire to commit or carry out long term responsibilities, but I believe at the bottom of my drive is desire to give away what I accumulating inside. Sharing is at the essence of my drive. Sounds a little illogical maybe, but I will elaborate what I mean by it. I have a very dynamic mind, I am able to hold a lot of information inside and make unconventional connections between things. Flexibility and non-judgemental attitude allow me to juggle with various bits of information. It is basically what I do all the time, collecting information and turning it into something meaningful. It feels like expanding the playground for other people explore the world. I think this is what I am actually good at. Walking in the dark forest and conquering pieces of darkness, creating more points of connections in the forest. I think shapeshifting is my gear to do so. The need to shapeshift reveals my unconscious sensitivity towards various dimensions that exist in the forest. There are many ways I can create light and this realisation manifests in my approach, which is exploration through different shapes and forms.

At times I lose a wider view on the forest though. I focus on movement too much and search for the next place to channel myself. It can create a lot of fragmentation and bring complicating when it is time to release and let go of the settlement. I always underestimated the importance of my ability release. I think almost always I was waiting too long, due to various reasons, and allowed the toxicity within me leak out into the world. I think it has to do with self-deception and dishonesty that I realise I’ve been practicing extensively. But I will talk about it another time. I feel I have a lot to say about shapeshifting and I feel it can be useful. Think the time we life in requires this skill, so let’s see if I can build some understanding around it, being a living embodiment of this peculiar creature myself.

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