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All good.

Thought I would write another entry reflecting on the exhibition, but I won’t do that. I feel so alive and full of vibrant energy that I can’t possibly let it slip away without leaving a mark in writing. Today was one of those days when life feels simply wonderful. I woke up with lightness and joy, I sensed into it immediately after opening my eyes and almost automatically responded by choosing an energising soundtrack. It was a reggae artist, advised by a fellow sensemaker I met in the dark forest of the internet. These mellow, sunny vibes filled the room merging with the sunlight, pouring out joy into the space. And so the day started, while dressing up, reached to a bright green skirt, one of the few coloured pieces of clothing that I have. I gave into the urge to carry more colour with me, adding it to the environment. As I was walking on the street, wearing my red lipstick and green skirt, listening to music, I couldn’t withhold the smile, finding my body moving with the city, making small dance moves. I felt present and connected, as well as aware of what I bring to the street. It felt good, strangers where smiling back, and as that happened the energy was multiplying and fuelling me even more.

I had to travel to the academy today, being on the train also brought me a beautiful opportunity to sink into my joy and sit with it for an hour. I was observing from the window, the sun was stroking my face and at times blinding me with brightness. Being in the moment felt crispy and sharp. I noticed capturing people’s gazes, and my desire to look into the eyes of strangers. During the meeting I felt longing to listen and understand. It was a very energising meeting and there was also a feeling of change floating in the air. Wonderfully uncertain and yet really firm and exciting.

Somewhere halfway through the day, as my joyfulness was subsiding I obviously became curious about the origin of this feeling. I looked at the conditions that could have contributed to the bliss. What do I need to feel this way? Two things came up, which refer to the concreteness and abstraction, nebulosity and pattern, lightness and firmness. I feel that in the present moment there is more firmness in me. These past four months were quite intense in terms of internal and external movements. Lots of unsettlements, explorations, stretching of boundaries, searches and exploration. All great, but sometimes exhausting and with elements of despair. Despair coming with losing the trust and hope that I am moving in a good direction. The more I unpack the more overwhelming it becomes. Today’s spirits revitalise the hope, things are coming together and actually I am doing quite well. I am finding more firmness and can feel the ground and my lightness becomes so much lighter. This drift seems rather scattered, way too emotional and perhaps unnecessary, yet it felt an important moment to stand still, while appreciating the moment for what it is.

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